Climbing, Lily's First Con, and Father's Day

Today is Father's Day, and the first turn around of this day I've really been in a position to recognize in a conventional sense. Raised by a single mom with no father in my life, or in this life at all, this day was always a little odd for me. There was a brief period where I had a stepfather to play at the day, but neither of us felt entirely completely comfortable with that. But today I'm the father. That's really weird to say or think still. I'm the father of a wonderful child who has been a bright and significant change to my life, and sometimes I'm overwhelmed with fears of not providing her with the supporting roles a father can, those same roles I generally did without growing up. This isn't to decry the truly awe inspiring job my mom and grandmother did to raise me, putting up with all the challenges I provided along the way, but I look back and wonder how much easier mom's life would've been with a steady, unabusive partner, how much perhaps my periods of isolation and fear could've been ameliorated with a father's presence. And I think about these things and worry that somehow I'll fail Lily in those areas. 

Lily already attempting to evade the shadow of the father.

But I know that this fear isn't really helpful, and that all I can really do is be here for her and support the best I know how. I work to make Lily an active member of my life and share the things I love with her, as much as one can with a nearly (!) one year old. It is perhaps appropriate, then, that this Father's Day weekend has been taking up by two happenings, one filled with fear/anxiety and one with a nerdy hobby: Lily's newfound climbing abilities and Lily's First Gaming Con.

There aren't many pictures, and none of fair quality, of Lily climbing things because these events usually trigger Regina and I to hover around her in the case of a seemingly eventual injury causing fall. Lily's been interested in climbing things for a while. Mostly this interest has been restricted to things she could easily surmount. We had to stop leaving the carseat in her play areas because she would climb on top of it and, very proud of herself, rock back and forth until she fell off of it. That same process has been replicated, now that she's more physically able, with her strollers.

Yes, that is an umbrella stroller on the ground backwards; Lily found she couldn't push it forward with the brakes on, so she just flipped it on its back.

Strollers started to get a little scary, as they got Lily a little off the ground and she likes climbing them when they're located over hard floor tiles, but mostly the height is enough that Lily can get down fine on her own. I mean, it's not liking her climbing on the table, which would put her a few feet off the ground. That would be scary. Good thing she can't do that yet.

The first time we looked in the living room, getting something ready in the kitchen, and saw Lily on the table, we played it off. Oh, she must've only been able to get up because of those pillows. Or those books. All too quickly Lily demonstrated that she can get up the table from any side, with no external support, with relative ease. And then she started crawling on the table. And then standing. And driving us nuts the whole time. But, hey, at least its not worse. I mean, if she could get on the couch or large chair, that would be really scary.

So basically, Lily can climb any piece of furniture that is not walled off to her with somewhat ease. The big blue chair gives her some trouble if the cushion is in all the way, but with enough determination Lily has proven she can get past that. Further, she's started climbing the back of the couch, putting herself even higher and threatening to jump past the gate that keeps her from having access to the stairs. So, you know, scary stuff that has taken years off my life and fills with me anxiety over just how much she could hurt herself now. And yet the joy she has when she's climbed something to discover something new or found a new vantage point to look over the room is magical. I have a feeling that the rest of this whole fatherhood thing is going to be an extended exercise in this process.

Around Lily's growing climbing abilities, we also attended a few days of an annual gaming con that happens in town. Thursday Lily and I went with a few friends, I went back alone on Friday to run a game, and on Saturday the whole family went. Thursday with Lily was pretty great with our matching Superman/girl outfits, and I demoed a few games while bouncing Lily on my knee. I can't say that I was as free to dive into events as I would have been without her, but I really didn't mind. Lily was pretty interested in watching all the people around her and hardly complained throughout the day, even managing to catch a nap in a hall with thousands of gamers around her.

Saturday, however, we were all able to go, and once Regina made it out of the registration line (we lacked the forethought to get her pass the day earlier and she had a nearly 2 hour wait in line), we got to enjoy the con as a family. When I first started going to cons a few years ago, the thing I found that really brought me back was the way that a gaming con establishes and reinforces social bonds among gamers. These are events where nearly everyone has a somewhat shared interest, and where you can go enjoy new games, events, and play experiences with your friends. What I saw differently yesterday was how that same dynamic works with families.

Lily was entranced by these surly Catan sheep.

There were folks with their kids there on Thursday, but that was nothing compared to the numbers there Saturday. Families of several different sizes, ages, and dynamics were represented. I shared a lunch table with a father and teenage son from Dayton who were board game enthusiasts, coming to their first con. We laughed and did double takes with a mother who had the exact same stroller setup as we did, wondering if we'd taken the wrong baby as well. I'm pretty sure I even passed a gay couple with two daughters in tow, asking them what they wanted to try out next. I first got into gaming as an activity to do with other somewhat estranged friends in middle and high school, but it's clearly also a hobby that can bring families together.

And that's all without discovering the amazing kid's room! At this con, with the price of admission, there is a ballroom set aside specifically for kids. They had a long table of kid oriented board games (several of which I have played and enjoyed), a killer Lego table, a table full of figurines, books, a tv playing Miyazaki movies, "life sized" Candyland board set up, and a field of cardboard boxes for kids to build with or destroy. Lily especially enjoyed the latter.

There are of course also a number of volunteers regularly playing with the kids, and staff set up so that you can safely leave your kids (5 and up) there to play if you have an event to go to. Hearing this I thought it might be fun for Lily but expected the other parents to avoid it, using it as a daycare. But several parents stuck around to play with their kids, and seeing them interact with and play games with their and others' kids was heartening. It might be that gaming is a hobby I can get a little too involved with, but it looks like it's also one that can bring Lily and I closer, and I'm okay with that.